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school, but I had never had that mythical writer thing going.
Though I thought too highly of myself to waste my time writing for the school newspaper or yearbook,
I have found several occations to, as so many others have, sit down in front of the typewriter and fool
myself into thinking I was about to write the great novel/short story/screenplay/play/whatever.
These unfinished tomes(or in my case, barely started) litter my drawers, computer diskettes and attic
servering as a constant reminder of why I should get a job assembling head assemblies for General
Motors, something I would be doing right now if General Motors hadn't expressed concern with how much of
my life I wasted not writing anything while other people my age were already fully trained head assemblers.
Still, when I wrote, I did attempt to be very serious. I had this vague, far
away feeling that there was a science here that I was unaware of and if I just did everything right, great writings
would unfold before me:
Okay, let's see, I got some paper. The computer is turned on. Got a drink.
I can reach those potato chips if I get hungry. Phones off, answering machine
turned down. Let's just move those potato chips over here. Okay, let's start.
The beginning is so important. How would Micheal Criton
start a book. Something catchy. Not that I want to write that kind of book. I think
I would like to write more of a classic adventure. Like a modern Heming... Oh! You know what? I shouldn't
have those potato chips there. If I end up eating them, I will get grease on the keyboard.
Do I have pretzels? Yes. I'll go get those. Good thinking. Better refill my drink also.
Okay, got the pretzels, put those dishes in the dishwasher, I am ready. Let me crack my fingers.
It looks cool when writers crack thier fingers. I can't really do that, though. Where was I? Oh,
yeah, the beginning. Right, I want something great. Something like "Call me Ishmael."
Of course, it can't be "call me Ishmael" since that has already been taken. I could do a
variation of it, a direct play off it, like, "Call me......"
What is the name of my main character. I mean, I know that female part is going to be
called Teresa, after Mother Teresa. My main character is sorta like my friend Bill, so I
don't wanna call him Bill. Oh, yeah, I gotta call Bill. I'll call him later, I've got to work. I'll
call Bill after I have written five pages. Maybe I'll call him Marvin.
This guy is going to be nothing like my friend Marvin, though.
I have to brainstorm, I can't think here in front of this computer. Let me go for a quick
smoke. I'll think up the name while I smoke.
I'd better grab my drink....
Now, before I get back to the story, I would like to point out that, since Ever, I have discovered
that a large part of writing skill is not the ability to worry about things that need to get done,
but to worry about things that you have already figured out. You also need
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